want to meet my originality

After a long time thinking I came out of my room and burned a cigarette, while smoking I was thinking that who i am? And what is my importance in my own life? These are the questions I usually ask to myself. These questions are not enough i have many more questions which will be mention down.

In this world of you guys if you do anything, then you are right and if I try to do something right even for my own self, then you call it wrong. The question is that if i am wrong for myself then who is right? At every step of my life, i faced too many by whom i discouraged every time. Since my childhood i have never seen a person who appreciate me except my AMA, ABU and my elder bro. At the age of 12 or 13 i had an aim of my life and that was to become a doctor, pilot or engineer. But due to more expectations and burden of thinking of you people ( thinking of people = ager ma engineer nae bna tau log kiya kehy gy?)!! after some years i found myself an airplane (smoker). I found people strange, If I praise someone then they think that i must have my own mean in that. Take for instance If I don’t praise them they call me jealous. If i do extra care for someone then they think I love them, but if i don’t care them then i am a selfish according to them. So who i am? and what i should do to make people happy? Where is the cover of my soul? And where is my life? (Sala, Sari zindagi logo k bary ma sochty howay guzaro kiya?) what people will say and what people will think? I really don’t know from where I learnt to pay attention to others?

I live in an world where people has certain norms and values and they are busy to watch other’s life. I think i destroyed myself and i still not succeed to satisfy people. In every community around me, they couldn’t figure me out well. Just tell me one thing what you people want? What are your wishes? Should i send you an application to live free and independent? Why you all have right on me more then i?
Sun’nay ka bhi kar hosla
Jee lenay de sab ko yehaan.!!

I know some people are busy to teach me the lesson of truth, and i know they don’t want even listen the truth. If a gradute doing a sales man job then what is wrong? and why we treat him like he is not a human being.Where is the humanity? and why we judge him with his profession? I want to know that thing which forced the people to think like this? ( Saly log aisy daikhty ha uss ko jaisy wo koi buhut he haqeer Insaan ha ). Look at the salesman’s image which i posted!! everybody can feel that how embarrassing he is looking to fulfill his duty. yar why we don’t understand he is better then a begger. I only know this that ( Haqeer sy Haqeer kam kisi k agy hath phailany sy behtar ha), and this is the truth which we don’t accept. Believe me we have lost our originality.

I realised that hundred of pains are spread on my soul. I know i am from the street where people have no manners and have all the bad qualities. But I am still a human being and i have my own life. I have bulk of fears in my heart, (Fears = Nae yr dafa kr nae krna ye!! ager Yeh kiya tau log kiya kahy gy? Kiya sochy gy?). Just go to hell all of you its my life and i have all the rights of my life. ( meri marzi mai jo marzi kara ). I don’t want that people interfear in my life whether i am a salesman or a businessman. Nobody have right to discuss me. Now i decided that This time i’ll not send you people a request or messege of Free me. I will wait the right time and when the right time’ll come i will fly. Everyone is made of soil and will go in soil, when everything’ll end. so then we should not have proud of our self and should treat equally. Now i lay down on earth, and i have no fear of you gyus. Because this is my originality.

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Early Age Ramadan

Ramadan is the month of blessings, love and mercy of ALLAH almighty, and taught me who I am? And what is the purpose of my life? Ramadan is the only month who show me how to get closer with my ALLAH and Rasool Muhammad P B U H. This month tells me how to purify my soul.

I was thinking and feeling all my memories of Ramadan yesterday. All the memories are scattered, but I remember that time when I was a kid and Ramadan was in winter.
Most of my memories of getting up early Sheri, I remember when my AMA told me “uth jao beta roza rakh loo 5 baj gaye ha” (The inspiring thing in that line is 5 am, I hope people know about it.) and I quickly waken up, Go to down stairs and wash my hands and mouth, After that I went to bazaar with Abu for purchase yogurt. Taken Sheri and wait for Azan. Then went Masjid with my cousins and brothers. Oh I forget to mention it that I lived in joint family system with my two bros, one sis and 7 cousins and we enjoyed Ramadan together. After Namaz_E_Fajar! We all kids tried to sleep quickly because after one hour we had to wake up again for school.

The interesting thing in my memories of school days at Ramadan was School timing only for 12pm; duration of tuition only for 1.5hours and the timing of learn Quran is only 30 minutes. In the beginning of Ramadan School used to look good, but the only problem at that time was to wake up again at 7:30 after Sheri. The atmosphere of the class in Ramadan was very good, teachers told us about the Ramadan, and teaches us that what we children should do in Ramadan.
After all these boring work of studies, in the afternoon we took the advantage of Rozza and do everything what we want like video games, cricket on roof and flying kites. At that time these were the favorite time pass ways in Ramadan.

The time of Assar, that time was the toughest time for me and my cousins because after one hour the time of Iftar. So we all were trying to busy our self in the kitchen. Three ladies (AMA nd two Chachi) and 11 children in the one kitchen, and we told them (Ladies) we also want to contribute to making Soomasy, pakooray etc. They shouted on us get out of the kitchen but we didn’t go, then they used their final option and that was (yeh bachoo ko bahir awaz daina zara koi kaam nae karny dy rahy) hahahaha and we all were out of the kitchen. After some time we heard a voice of my mum (dastarkhawan bichao or ye cheezain wagarah rakho 10 minute reh gaye ha). Finally the PTV transmission showed (Lahore or uss k Muddafat ma Mughrib ki Azaan ka waqat howa chahta ha) you people can’t even imagine, how we children were happy after hear that announcement on PTV. Khajoor only one, but our focus on Pakoory and Samoosy. We are used to fight for them.Even one of my cousins was busy to take Samoosy in his pocket at every iftari. We offered Mughrib Namaz (jaldi jaldi) quickly and back to home. This was the Ramadan of not only my family, but I think every family of 1995 had Ramadan like this.

Cold nights in the winter and offers TRAWIH was a great experience that I will never forget. Khatam Quran I used to have a night to be at 27th of Ramadan. I still remember Jumma-tul-Wida people felt sad at that Jumma because Ramadan going. Everyone wanted to get the blessings of growing in the night,but the pain of the departure of this month was really a sad.

Yad ha wo din? When we bought Eid cards for friends and relatives. The poetry which was written by us on Eid cards was amazing. The role of writing funny poems on the cards was also good. We forced to take bath on Chand Raat because of winter. And finally Eid! The day of happiness beauty. Only 100 or 200 rupees Eidi we had given by our parents. I still remember when we purchased Sharly wali pastool, pani wali pastool .:) Aahh ALLAH what time that was speechless.

After write this I m feel like I am still not done as so many memories are still popping out. These are the memories of my childhood, after written this I feel like that there is something missing in it, and I have still many things to share with you guys but I don’t want to write more.